Loyal Americans can sleep easy in their beds again. Employees of The Republican Science Association have definitively proved to their satisfaction and publicly stated that global warming is a myth, spread by anti-American Communists and Terrorists. Even if any foreign power or disaffected Americans direct fiercely focused sunbeams, through un-American lenses that they have placed in high orbit, at the Arctic or Antarctic ice caps – it will not raise sea levels to threaten American coastal plain dwellers.
Alaskan Ex-Governor Sarah Palin, American heroine, Mother, Warrior and Deadshot, has personally pledged to shoot any willful extra icebergs that accidentally or deliberately approach American Territorial Waters; and to nuke into steam any amount of water that dares to try to increase American coastal sea levels and to put American homes at risk.
“I am forever vigilant” vowed Mrs Palin. “Have no more fears about the faulty science of global warming. We are on the case”.